Rory’s “Stitch In Time” Hangover Cure
We’ve all been there: hungover to the point where we think we might literally be about to die and all we can remember from the night before is a blur of anxiety and we just called our friend to see if we did anything bad at the party and they said no but we think they might be lying to make us feel better and we have an executive business brunch/segway tour/thought-leader conference to be at later and we can’t miss it but we think we might have to because we literally can’t move, right? Well this simple recipe should leave even the most dehydrated degenerates feeling radically rejuvenated and ready to rock.
You will need:
1 x Glass of water.
1 x Flux capacitor.
1 x Delorean.
1 x Unspecified amount of weapons grade plutonium.
1 x Enthusiastic local teen.
1 x Group of Libyan terrorists.
1 x Prom night.
1 x High-school drama.
1 x Lightning storm.
1 x Clock tower.
1 x Huey Lewis classic.
1 x Accomplished copyright lawyer.
- Assemble a time-machine using the Delorean, flux capacitor and unspecified amount of weapons grade plutonium.
- Drive the Delorean/time-machine to the mall parking lot to meet the enthusiastic local teen.
- Get shot by Libyan terrorists.
- Wait for the local teen to use the Delorean to travel back in time to the day before to meet your past self and warn you to drink a glass of water before going to bed. Also to wear body armour the following day.
- As your past self, help the local teen navigate the past and get back to the future by executing an elaborate plan involving prom night, some high school drama, a clock tower, a lightning storm, and the Delorean. At this stage in the process you will need to ensure that the teen doesn’t create a paradox in the space time-continuum by making his own mother fall in love with him, though don’t worry if he invents a little rock’n’roll on the side.
- If you’ve followed the instructions correctly you should now find your present self hangover free thanks to the glass of water you drank the night before, and bullet free thanks to the body armour.
- Ignore the fact that you’ve changed basically everything else about the present.
- Disappear on another time adventure.
- Arrive back in time to set up a sequel.
- Cue Back In Time by Huey Lewis and The News.
And it’s as simple as that – you’re now ready to face the world, fresh as the day you exited your mother’s womb.